Wake Up. |
Over the weekend, I've realised quite a few shocking things. And somehow or rather, they're all pretty significant to me, in both good and bad ways. So I figured that since it's the last week of secondary school, I might as well do a few reflective posts. Probably a long one will come out on friday or something, and I believe I won't be the only one writing gratifying posts.
Anyway, it's been one heck of a weekend and a week-start. No, I'm not going to whine, just gonna do a little bit of reflections.
As some people would know, things began to spiral drastically out of conntrol, and diarrohea wasn't the real reason I didn't sleep on Friday (refer to previous post). Saturday was no better, I couldn't think of anything else. As it so often came when I was emotionally unstable, my last pack of cigarettes hidden somewhere in my room screamed out to me. It still is screaming, but I'm trying my best to shut out it's voice.
And so Sunday came. Worship like that was something I haven't seen in a long time. I haven't felt so compelled to sing and praise God for the longest time, and I finally did.
"No power of hell, no scheme of man.
Can ever pluck me from His hand."
But after worship, I'm sad to say I left no different from before.
It was only Jon, Sk and me left when we went for class at AC. We went to the back of the lecture theatre and watched as Yongzhi played the keyboard for the service held there. The worship leader was singing "I simply live for you". A nostalgic song. I remembered my faith when I was a kid before I left church for a few years. So pure and firm, compared to the faith I have now.
"Say the word, and I will sing for you.
Over oceans deep, I will follow.
If each star was a song, and every breath of wind praise.
It would still fail be far to say all my heart contains.
I simply live,
I simply live for you."
Maybe it was because I was emotionally unstable, but for the first time, I had sympathy for a child. Something again, I haven't felt in a long time. The child was crying so loudly, her mother had to take her out of the hall. Half of me wanted to follow the mother and child out, to comfort the child in any way I could. And although it was only half, I couldn't believe how much I had changed. Guys, remember I used to hate kids to the core?
God's love. I'll never forget.
I went back home and started playing some of my favourite songs. One of which was a japanese song which had a story crafted out as lyrics. Gazette - Zakurogata no Yuutsu. It was about how this girl was dying, but she expressed her desire to be with her lover strongly.
「活きたいよ、死にたくれない。 思うたび 涙は零れ。
活きたいよ、君のために。 何一つ してあげれてない。」
"I want to live, I don't want to die. Tears overflow when I think of it.
I want to live, for your sake. I can't even do anything for you."
When I was singing this, I couldn't believe myself. But I almost cried singing it.
I've changed, though change is never enough. But it's really been quite a drastic change. From the totally hard and unfeeling bastard in Sec 2, to the more receptive person in Sec 3. Somehow, I think I've gotten too soft, but I still think it's better than being unfeeling.
I guess that's my main reflection. It's just too surprising how soft I've become.
Perhaps, 6 hours of sleep in 3 days has a detrimental effect on my emotional state. Well I believe I didn't whine, but just reflected. It's really been an emotional rollercoaster these few days, and I can't get myself to focus on what I should be focusing on. But hey, time waits for no man. I don't have time to waste brooding and wallowing in self-pity. Tonight, I have to get back on my feet.
Dreamz FM - Should I Stay?
It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?
A long post, but sorry guys. I couldn't help it this time. I don't usually air my thoughts and reflections like this, but something's gotten into me. At least I believe I'm not whining, I'm not being angsty and emo.
And you don't need to know about this, so I won't be telling you anything until one day you have the time to come online and stumble across this post.
I'm just being emotional now. Well, no one said both kinds of love were simple.
Anyway, it's been one heck of a weekend and a week-start. No, I'm not going to whine, just gonna do a little bit of reflections.
As some people would know, things began to spiral drastically out of conntrol, and diarrohea wasn't the real reason I didn't sleep on Friday (refer to previous post). Saturday was no better, I couldn't think of anything else. As it so often came when I was emotionally unstable, my last pack of cigarettes hidden somewhere in my room screamed out to me. It still is screaming, but I'm trying my best to shut out it's voice.
And so Sunday came. Worship like that was something I haven't seen in a long time. I haven't felt so compelled to sing and praise God for the longest time, and I finally did.
"No power of hell, no scheme of man.
Can ever pluck me from His hand."
But after worship, I'm sad to say I left no different from before.
It was only Jon, Sk and me left when we went for class at AC. We went to the back of the lecture theatre and watched as Yongzhi played the keyboard for the service held there. The worship leader was singing "I simply live for you". A nostalgic song. I remembered my faith when I was a kid before I left church for a few years. So pure and firm, compared to the faith I have now.
"Say the word, and I will sing for you.
Over oceans deep, I will follow.
If each star was a song, and every breath of wind praise.
It would still fail be far to say all my heart contains.
I simply live,
I simply live for you."
Maybe it was because I was emotionally unstable, but for the first time, I had sympathy for a child. Something again, I haven't felt in a long time. The child was crying so loudly, her mother had to take her out of the hall. Half of me wanted to follow the mother and child out, to comfort the child in any way I could. And although it was only half, I couldn't believe how much I had changed. Guys, remember I used to hate kids to the core?
God's love. I'll never forget.
I went back home and started playing some of my favourite songs. One of which was a japanese song which had a story crafted out as lyrics. Gazette - Zakurogata no Yuutsu. It was about how this girl was dying, but she expressed her desire to be with her lover strongly.
「活きたいよ、死にたくれない。 思うたび 涙は零れ。
活きたいよ、君のために。 何一つ してあげれてない。」
"I want to live, I don't want to die. Tears overflow when I think of it.
I want to live, for your sake. I can't even do anything for you."
When I was singing this, I couldn't believe myself. But I almost cried singing it.
I've changed, though change is never enough. But it's really been quite a drastic change. From the totally hard and unfeeling bastard in Sec 2, to the more receptive person in Sec 3. Somehow, I think I've gotten too soft, but I still think it's better than being unfeeling.
I guess that's my main reflection. It's just too surprising how soft I've become.
Perhaps, 6 hours of sleep in 3 days has a detrimental effect on my emotional state. Well I believe I didn't whine, but just reflected. It's really been an emotional rollercoaster these few days, and I can't get myself to focus on what I should be focusing on. But hey, time waits for no man. I don't have time to waste brooding and wallowing in self-pity. Tonight, I have to get back on my feet.
Dreamz FM - Should I Stay?
It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?
A long post, but sorry guys. I couldn't help it this time. I don't usually air my thoughts and reflections like this, but something's gotten into me. At least I believe I'm not whining, I'm not being angsty and emo.
And you don't need to know about this, so I won't be telling you anything until one day you have the time to come online and stumble across this post.
I'm just being emotional now. Well, no one said both kinds of love were simple.
Labels: reflective